Ahh, Hell

As I was lying with my son, rubbing his back to help him fall asleep, it hit me . . . everything I deleted is more than likely safely backed up because of my automatic online backup. Damn.

Now what?

I guess I just leave it there for now. If I go look, I run the risk of sitting around listening to songs and mooning over his pictures for the rest of the night, at a minimum. And again, it’s not like I can’t recall every detail at will anyway.

And I was feeling so virtuous for managing to delete everything, too. Bets on how long until I crack?

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4 thoughts on “Ahh, Hell

  1. If I were you, I’d delete it all. There’s no reason to keep anything of a man who two-timed you and someone else. My keeping things/memorabilia of him, it’s like you’re saying it’s ok he disrespected you and his wife. And it’s also saying you’re ok with his presence still in your life. I don’t think that’s good for your mental health.

    I had a boyfriend who cheated on me, had crushes on about 7 different girls (no, I’m not lying. It’s true), and treated me like I was a naive fool who was too innocent to handle the truth. He was the sweetest person to me in person, letting me talk about whatever I wanted, cuddling me, and being protective and things like that. However, once I kicked him off my facebook, deleted all pictures, those in backup, too, blocked him on messaging, and deleted his number, it hurt like hell. However, once I finally got over him (about 6-8months later) it felt like the greatest freedom and happiness I had ever experienced in my entire life. I know it’s hard, but I encourage you to not to think of what he said to your face, but what he’s done when you’re not around. If you were his wife, and he did that do you, how would you feel? I imagine it’s not a nice feeling.

    I fully believe you should get rid of everything of him, no matter how much it hurts. It will help you to understand that he’s really gone and there is no going back. If he does come back, and you take him back…I will fully think you’re insane. I don’t know why’d you let a man like that around your child. He wouldn’t be a good influence.

  2. Yeah, I don’t really think I’d take him back anymore. I did for a while, with stipulations like time had passed, marriage was over, etc. But that was before I managed to get a tiny spark of anger going, and now, I don’t really think so anymore. He had his chance, and I am worth more. I can’t yet manage to stop thinking about how nice life would be if everything had, in fact, been as I thought it was, but I don’t know . . . maybe that is part of the healing process?

    As for the stuff in backup, the main reason I haven’t gone in and deleted it is because I haven’t felt fully strong enough. I don’t want to stay up all night listening to songs and mooning over his pictures. Once I’m sure I can get in there and delete them without that happening, then I will. I did get surprised yesterday by the pictures of him that were still on my phone, which threw me for a loop for a half hour or so. But I looked at them for a while, and then deleted them. Yeah, yeah, the backups, but still, it was a step.

    I can imagine how his wife feels. I know she feels horrible, and it really is bothering me. That is probably also why I replied, and why I feel even worse since it seems like I only hurt her. I am done with him . . . her . . . them, at least in terms of contact. My heart’s gonna need a bit longer, though.

    • When you put it that way, it’s easier for me to understand. You’re right, it was a step, and it was a good one. ^_^ I hope you can keep moving on this way.

      And you’re right, you probably did only hurt her. It wasn’t your fault entirely because he wasn’t being honest with you, but at least you can recognize what your actions have done to other people. That way maybe you can learn from this and be a bit more careful of becoming intimate with someone without knowing their background. I’m not saying you have to be scared of relationships and completely defensive because bluntly, that would suck, but, just maybe be a bit more cautious. Also, I don’t mean to be imposing my ideas on you so I’m sorry if it seems that way. I’m just really strong-set in the way I do things so sometimes I fail to see how other people would do things.

  3. Well, I suppose I’ll be less inclined to simply believe what someone tells me, but how on earth are you supposed to go about verifying every word someone says without going stark raving mad? You have to be able to take someone at their word, or you’ll never trust anyone. Things like this are probably why some people resort to hiring private investigators or paying for online searches and stuff like that. That he might be married just never even occurred to me as a possibility. I suppose I’ve been lucky, but I’ve never personally come across a married man who behaved in this manner.

    As for his wife, I inadvertently hurt her by responding to her, and I’m owning that. However, I don’t think I have to also carry the fact that he was cheating on her, just because it was with me. I have empathy for her, but I did NOT know. Had I known, he and I would have never become involved. It’s as simple as that. I would never, ever deliberately inflict this sort of pain on anyone. Heartache is complete and total bullshit.

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