Lately I have been finding myself some portion of the way through an activity with no conscious memory of how I came to be there, or what I’d been thinking about prior to the return of self-awareness. Like a daydream I have no recollection of, or a brief slip from the rigors of reality. It is somewhat disconcerting. I wonder if it means anything, or if it is just a sign that I’ve had way too much to process recently?
I guess I’m a little bit concerned that I’m letting myself slip into a funk, or possibly an actual depression, but I can’t seem to stop anything. I feel like I’m a broken record, and I’ve stopped wanting to bother my friends with my pain, so I’m starting to shut people out or deflect them when they ask how I am doing. I don’t think that is wise, but again, I can’t seem to stop myself. I internalize so much, rather than bother other people with my problems, I always have. It’s actually one of the reasons I decided to try writing online. I feel like people are out there, possibly listening and caring. But they/you can read or not read, I’m not forcing myself and my woes on anyone. I don’t know. That might not make sense. Not much makes sense to me lately, not much at all.