Dammit, Dammit, Damn It All

Not a good day. Not at all. Today, right now, I just want him. I miss everything about him. The him I knew, the him I loved. The him that is lost, gone, not available, not mine, vanished. I can’t make my brain function, my emotions are definitely in the driver’s seat today. Damn. My heart hurts. It HURTS. I’m shaky and cold. I can’t keep any food down. I keep leaking tears everywhere, and it just fucking hurts. Such bullshit.

I want to know WHY? And there is just no answer to that question, no answer at all.

My heart is bleeding.

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2 thoughts on “Dammit, Dammit, Damn It All

  1. Aww. ..I know this hurts. And it’s hard to get past it. ..for now maybe just do something nice for you. ..something really luxurious and self-indulgent. ..use the energy you’d be spending on him to do it for you now. It’s not easy when you are used to nurturing, but personally I swear by lavender bath salts and candles. . .some really nice tranquil tunage. You will sleep like a baby.

  2. That’s a good idea. I actually almost stopped and got a pedicure today, but then I didn’t want to end up sitting there crying, and I didn’t think I was in enough control for that not to happen. I might try it again tomorrow though.

    As for right now, I think I might just sit here, have a glass of wine and try to read. It would be nice to be able to sleep tonight, at least for a while.

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