Bars And Bad Beer

Between the whole I’m-too-naive-to-realize-the-man-I-loved-was-married fiasco and the time spent with my cousin in a few bars and local hangouts last night, I’m really starting to understand that finding the sort of relationship that I long for is not going to be easy. And before anyone says bars aren’t the best place to meet men . . . well yes, I know that, and it’s really not the point. It’s more just that I got a bit overwhelmed with the strangeness of it all, the whole dance, the back and forth, the games.

I don’t know. I think I’m just feeling a bit down. And my ear hurts, which can’t be good news. I’m going to bed. Early, for me at least, barely after midnight. Let’s hope sleep is within reach, I’m getting a bit tired of the whole toss and turn all night long thing.

Oh, one last thought. What, exactly, is the purpose behind men deliberately drinking the shittiest beers imaginable? No one actually drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon on purpose, at least not more than once. Nasty swill, my god. Yeah, I took a few sips, but that is because I’m a nice person and I know how hard it is to approach someone. But here’s the deal . . . we’d have talked to you anyway. Next time, if you want to buy a round, consider asking us what we want first. Thank you!

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Love Is Love

It is a daily battle, hell, a minute by minute battle at times, to regain my positive outlook. I’ve had a general overlying feeling of anxiety today, but while it wasn’t the best day I’ve had since this happened, it also wasn’t the worst. And I guess that is worth something.

So, in a spirit of forward thinking, I’d like to say that I love love. The idea of it, the thrill of it, the possibilities of it. I like being a fool in love, I just do. As hard and painful as this has been, as it still is, for me, I do believe in love and I really do think it is worth taking a chance on. Next time I’ll try to temper it with a little bit of knowledge and, not caution exactly, but maybe some awareness. But I guess I still want there to be a next time, after my wounded heart heals some more, and I am relieved to realize that.

I’m not looking forward to the whole starting over part of things, but hey, baby steps, right?